Are you a Big Boss, a Good Guy, a Funny Fellow, a Difficult Woman, a Straight-A Girl, or just an Average Joe? It’s nice to hear that you got upset by these stigmatizing terms! Motivated by your upset, you’re probably ready to read the whole article to prove that I label people in a sexist way. Through these caricatures, I talk about the discrimination of women and bad leadership at the workplace.
Big Boss
Big Boss is typically a middle-aged male leader—at least mentally. Regardless of his formal position, he thinks he is above others. He typically has a conservative attitude, although he considers himself a great reformer as he drives forward changes of his liking, with a straightforward approach.
Big Boss says he supports equality. However, he considers equality already achieved and is blind to his own blindness regarding gender issues. His blindness manifests in subconsciously viewing women as the weaker sex. For him, it’s important to be better than a woman, otherwise, he would be weak himself! This makes him perceive capable women as a threat. Due to his subconscious attitude, he fails to value women’s expertise and thus does not bother to listen to them – often talking over them and otherwise ignoring them. When a man speaks, Big Boss’s front line and gaze shift to the speaker, which doesn’t happen with women. Of course, he is unaware of this attitude and certainly does not admit it. Big Boss doesn’t give credit and recognition to women, even when they deserve it. Instead, he gives credit and honors to himself, other Uncle-Men, and Good Guys, whom he believes to be the reason behind the women’s outputs. A woman, of course, is suitable as a secretary, and in this role, Big Boss treats every woman, regardless of her actual job.
Big Boss feels safe to say whatever comes to his mind in any space – often diminishing the sense of safety for others, which he either does not recognize or take seriously. With his straightforward speech and actions, Big Boss creates an underlying atmosphere of fear. His tragedy is that, due to this atmosphere of fear, he does not receive redirecting feedback to improve as a colleague and leader. If, by some miracle, Big Boss does receive redirecting feedback, he listens only superficially and dismisses the feedback with excuses. The operations led by Big Boss tend not to improve, as he has made many problems taboo by taking numerous development ideas and redirecting feedback as personal insults, and in the worst cases, has directed his anger at the person who provided the feedback.
Fortunately, Big Boss does receive reinforcing feedback in the form of back-patting from other Uncle-Men and flattery from Good Guys! As a result, Big Boss has an overflowing self-confidence and believes he knows better than experts in their own fields – especially if they are women. These factors make Big Boss exaltate himself, turning him into the worst kind of mansplainer. If two Uncle-Men happen to be in the same room, a spontaneous competition of grand egos might erupt, even though neither realizes or admits they are competing. The competition seems endless, as both have an extraordinary need to have the last word.
Wisdom resides in Big Boss, and such a Renaissance genius shouldn’t waste his time listening to others! Thus, listening and participative leadership are not his strengths. Even though he keeps telling how he values other people’s ideas and feedback, deep down he doesn’t believe they enhance his perspectives. His patience doesn’t stretch that far anyway, as he must rapidly progress towards his unbeatable vision without unnecessary intermediate steps. The culmination of his participative leadership is hosting ‘strategy implementation’ workshops, where he ostensibly gathers ideas and feedback for developing and implementing an already finalized strategy.
Big Boss talks about strategic leadership, prioritization, and clear leadership models. However, he himself is incapable of making the necessary exclusions that mature strategic management would require. Instead, he “agilely” latches onto every idea that comes to mind and passes the task to whoever he deems fit – usually to the Straight-A Girl or Good Guy – often bypassing the usual chain of command. From others’ perspectives, his actions seem erratic, with new tasks emerging from outside the usual command chain frequently, even before the previous ones have been properly started. Luckily, Big Boss has already forgotten the tasks he previously assigned! To succeed, Big Boss needs around him Good Guys who don’t mind such confusion and Straight-A Girls who diligently handle practical tasks, who, due to the workload caused by this chaos, often burn out intermittently.
Openly toxic autocratic leadership (Management by Perkele) has mostly been replaced in the leadership styles of modern Uncle-Men. Nowadays, toxic KPIs are more popular: Big Boss sets strict goals and metrics from above without considering their realism and how they affect people’s actual behavior.
Big Boss demands but doesn’t provide support. Somehow, he manages to be both very passive and controlling as a leader. As Big Boss has lost the sense of control due to a lack of strategic focus, he seeks to regain it by monitoring and micromanaging others’ actions, which certainly doesn’t facilitate building a strategic focus. An organization dominated by Uncle-Men can be recognized by its abundance of managers, but lack of actual leadership. Big Boss gets his way by steamrolling his opinions, manipulative flattery, or, as a last resort, by playing the victim in a manner deemed appropriate for a Big Boss. However, he is blind to his own actions and wonders why the organization fails to take ownership, becomes paralyzed by goals, operates in silos, suffers from burnout, and works shortsightedly, suboptimizing metrics in a narrow-minded way.
When the opportunity arises, Big Boss makes a “safe choice” and hires his golf buddy Good Guy – especially if it is a leadership position. Good Guy feels like a naturally better professional and leader than a female colleague or applicant who, by the numbers, outperforms him significantly.
Verbally, Big Boss is family-friendly, but at his home, household chores are divided to his advantage, and he doesn’t even realize the amount of meta work his partner does. Because of this, he truly doesn’t understand the needs of family-oriented women who take on more household responsibilities, and thus fails to consider different family situations. Moreover, his ability to see things from someone else’s perspective is limited, as the world is made for the Uncle-Men. He has never had to put himself in someone else’s shoes.
At the office Christmas party, Big Boss caresses the back of his young female colleague, later making suggestions and moving his hand to more strategic directions. Big Boss is so well-connected with the rest of the management that no one dares to confront his harassment – and if someone does, the handling of the matter often remains merely superficial.
The organizations led by Big Boss have not thrived because of his skills but in spite of them – due to luck and/or the merits of others. Big Boss is an example of survivorship bias of his own life: “I have succeeded because of this kind of leadership, so why change it!” This, he neither realizes nor admits. Instead, he has been adept at taking credit for the work of others and fortunate coincidences. Usually, Big Boss has reached his position by being a Good Guy long enough that luck has favored him.
When faced with failures, Big Boss resorts to explanations; faults are always in others or, ultimately, in bad luck: “This was a completely unexpected turn in the market!” A more competent leader would have prepared their organization for such scenarios. When the boom period is over, and he no longer succeeds despite his supposed skills, Big Boss is in trouble. In a downturn, he is likely to be dismissed, and if he can no longer find work as a leader, he shifts to consulting other Uncle-Men.
Big Boss is also a victim of his environment and a product of his time. He did not choose to become the way he is. Only a few Uncle-Men are such due to their misogyny or malice. He is simply unaware of his gender bias, immature masculinity, and the impacts of his actions. He, too, does his best, and often faces immense pressures due to his position and gender. At the core, his behavior is influenced by a fragile self-esteem hidden beneath a tough exterior, and a fear for his status, on which he has mistakenly built his self-image. Big Boss is sensitive to anything that might threaten his position or cause the worst possible outcome: loss of face.
While it’s important to approach the Big Boss with understanding and compassion, his behavior should not be excused: the Big Boss is in a position of power and, therefore, bears the greatest responsibility for his actions and the environment he creates.
Big Boss can also be a woman. However, typically, Big Bossy behavior is not tolerated in women. It takes a particularly tough lady to become a Big Boss. There are also benevolent Uncle-Men who try to be on the good side! However, they are prisoners of their own Big Bosshood, interacting accordingly. Through firm yet gentle care, feedback, and self-reflection, Uncle-Men can break free from the chains of their Big Bosshood!
Good Guy
Good Guy is a Big Boss in the making. The Good Guy is a yes-man who typically doesn’t challenge others, especially not the Big Boss, whose sycophantic lackey he is. He fears that by challenging others, he might lose his Good Guy status. He only challenges when he senses from the conversation that doing so would earn him praise for bravely bringing up problems. The Good Guy knows how to talk about the right things in the right way to the right people.
Despite his eloquent speeches, he lacks the ability to get things done. Fortunately, with his fine rhetoric, he manages to gather people around him to do the work for him, for which he, of course, takes credit. If something fails, the fault is not in him but in those around him. Above all, the Good Guy craves back-patting from Uncle-Men and other Good Guys, so he engages in it as much as possible to receive it in return.
The gossiping by Uncle-Men and Good Guys is considered “office politics”. Despite his flattery, the Good Guy undermines Big Boss by bad-mouthing him behind his back. He hopes that Big Boss’s position will fall quickly so he can soon become the new Big Boss in his place!
The most toxic compliment a woman can receive is that she is a Good Guy. The compliment might not always be stated directly, but however it’s given, it is an indirect way of belittling other women. Typically, women who are praised in this way either don’t notice or are afraid to address discrimination, fearing that they might be perceived as Difficult Women by others. In the worst case, the praised woman may even join in suppressing other women to secure her place as a Good Guy. Women who are complimented as Good Guys have the potential of becoming Uncle-Men.
Funny Fellow
The Funny Fellow is a Big Boss or a Good Guy constantly making jokes – often in a vulgar and politically incorrect manner. He fails to understand the negative impacts of his jokes that can often be considered harassment. He is frequently heard saying, “it was just a joke, don’t be so serious!” He believes that political correctness has gone too far and that nothing can be said anymore, although he himself says whatever comes to mind. Funny Fellow “lightens the mood” by joking even during serious discussions, thereby diluting the substance of the conversation.
A woman can also seek approval by telling sexist jokes, but she can be a Funny Fellow only in extremely rare cases. Joking is typically suited only for exceptional women, and even they are generally frowned upon.
Difficult Woman
Even a well-liked and excellently performing woman can easily become a Difficult Woman if she dares to address difficult issues – regardless of how diplomatically and constructively she presents them. However, she is not listened to and taken seriously due to the previously mentioned reasons. She is perceived as talking too much, even though in reality she speaks less in meetings than her male colleagues. In fact, she appears as an overly assertive social climber!
She begins to be shunned as a difficult person and may even be sidelined into less important tasks. If she raises a fuss about this, she is seen as playing the victim. In fact, the problems are deemed to be her fault! Later on, a Good Guy brings up the same issues and receives pats on the back for his courage in highlighting difficult matters.
If the Difficult Woman dares to ask for a deserved but substantial pay raise or applies for a more demanding internal position, Big Boss laughs her off. “You don’t even meet the job requirements!” But when a Good Guy does the same, suddenly the request seems reasonable. “These requirements are just a wish list, you shouldn’t read them too literally!”
Difficult Woman is thoroughly fed up with the work life revolving around Uncle-Men. If she behaves in a typically feminine manner, she is not taken seriously. If she behaves in a typically masculine manner, she is considered at least threatening or coldly unemotional. Nothing is satisfactory. She has learned to play Big Boss’s game to survive in the workplace. That’s why she often reminds herself and the Straight-A Girl of the saying: “What would Big Boss do?” This phrase has proven to be an excellent way to overcome impostor syndrome, among other things.
Straight-A Girl
The Straight-A Girl is a conscientious workhorse who does everything she is asked to do and also, without being asked, all those other tasks that don’t officially belong to anyone’s desk and whose value is unrecognized by Uncle-Men. She identifies shortcomings around her and tries to solve them as diplomatically as possible, but she is careful not to irritate the Uncle-Men, to avoid being labeled as a Difficult Woman. Big Boss does not understand the Straight-A Girl and assumes, without asking, that she will complete everything without complaint. In fact, he wonders why things don’t progress faster and why the Straight-A Girl doesn’t take broader ownership of the dozens of tasks given to her.
Straight-A Girl ends up working round-the-clock to finish her tasks – at the risk of burning out. She has already sought a referral to a work psychologist, but she doesn’t have time to go there – if she even had enough remaining mental capacity to make an appointment. In the worst case, the Straight-A Girl sets unsustainable standards for her peers with her stretching capabilities. Her peers compare themselves to her and start stretching themselves too. Either directly or between the lines, Big Boss expects this stretching, having become accustomed to the Straight-A Girl’s performance.
Straight-A Girl doesn’t consider her own work to be anything special, as she is so skilled that tasks don’t feel difficult to her. If something isn’t difficult for her, she thinks there can’t be anything extraordinary about it! This is despite the fact that there’s no one else in the entire organization who comes close to matching the Straight-A Girl in terms of expertise and productivity in her tasks.
When encountering failure, Straight-A Girl first looks for faults in herself, even though the reality is that Big Boss didn’t handle his responsibilities and didn’t create the conditions for her to succeed. Straight-A Girl fixates on her failures, which exacerbates her already strong impostor syndrome. Whereas Big Boss’s defense mechanism for failures is to either completely overlook them with excuses or to blame others, Straight-A Girl’s mechanism is to make her failures visible, as hiding them feels even worse. In the worst cases, during salary discussions, the Straight-A Girl herself brings up her failures and fails to see how she could justify a raise. Partly for this reason, the Straight-A Girl’s euro is 84 cents of the Good Guy’s euro. The underpayment of the Straight-A Girl, who stretches to incredible performances, also effectively prevents raising the salaries of her peers, as she sets the benchmark for salary and performance among them.
The Straight-A Girl has a suspicion that she might be treated differently due to her gender. “Maybe it’s about how I expressed the matter?” She hopes that her work would be recognized, and she would advance to more challenging tasks. Eventually, after being thoroughly drained, the Straight-A Girl burns out and is thrown away. Meanwhile, Big Boss and the Good Guy take credit for her achievements and blame her for any problems.
Alternatively, the Straight-A Girl finally becomes frustrated and looks for another job when Big Boss again overlooks her for a promotion, citing her lack of assertiveness as a disqualifier for good leadership. Due to her impostor syndrome, the Straight-A Girl only applies for positions where she meets 100% of the requirements, ending up underpaid. When the Straight-A Girl exits the scene, Big Boss and the Good Guy soon realize how much responsibility she actually carried, as the unfinished tasks fall onto their shoulders.
Average Joe
The Average Joe is blissfully blind to all this. If he does notice anything, it doesn’t affect him in any way, and he doesn’t feel the need to do anything about it. However, he decides to console the Straight-A Girl: “Don’t worry about Big Boss taking credit for your work! That’s just how work life is.”
Final words
“Good guys never change the world, only difficult women do.”
– Lotta Aarikka
While these are partly tongue-in-cheek and extreme caricatures, I assert there is a certain truth to them. This opinion is also shared by everyone I’ve asked for feedback on this text. Big thanks to those who have provided feedback and ideas for the text! You helped make the caricatures significantly better.
It should be noted that these caricatures are as scientifically weak as typical personality tests, although I largely base my thoughts on general feminist literature and discussion. Don’t take the writing too seriously!
I admit that in many ways, I am a Big Boss, a Good Guy, a Funny Fellow, and an Average Joe. Acknowledging the problem is the first step towards being a better colleague and leader. Above all, I have been blind to all of this. I hope that you will point it out to me if you notice me acting like these caricatures!
Big thanks to the women who have had the courage to give me feedback and open my eyes to these phenomena. Now, I see the phenomena everywhere around me, even though I am surely still blind to many things. That’s why I wanted to write about this. The kind of discrimination and bad leadership described leave a tremendous amount of women’s potential untapped and make the work life a more miserable place, especially for women.
I hope this writing helps identify and verbalize bad leadership and discrimination of women in everyone’s own work environments. It would be great if this piece also helps men like me to reflect on their own behavior and encourages women to seek allies like myself to address these issues.
For the sake of simplification, I have omitted from the text the discrimination and bad leadership experienced by other marginalized groups. They typically grapple with similar and often more challenging problems than women and definitely deserve their own writings on these subjects.
Best of luck to everyone working towards equality and better leadership!
PS. Do you think any key characteristics are missing from the caricatures, or is there an essential caricature type missing entirely? Please feel free to give feedback!
